


Secret Santa

by MisterJohn (MisterJohnFanfiction)



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Holiday, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-12 01:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9049084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterJohnFanfiction/pseuds/MisterJohn
Summary: Spy goes to desperate lengths to make sure he buys a good secret Santa gift this year.





	1. Secret Santa Caper

Miss Pauling had decided that it wasn’t enough to have a company Smissmas party every year; they had to do a gift exchange as well for ‘morale’ which meant that participation was mandatory.

Spy knew that he was an exceptional man with good taste, which is why he was utterly baffled as to why the previous two years he’d been made into a laughingstock when it came to buying presents.

Scout had humiliated him the first year when he presented the boy with a beautiful suit and matching ascot he had ordered directly from Italy, he had made a mistake thinking the runner could appreciate popular fashion that wasn’t ball caps and dirty slacks.

He was more careful the second year, a simple bottle of cologne from France for Sniper, because in Spy’s opinion, he really needed it. Sniper didn’t agree and called it worthless and tacky and being insulted like that by Sniper of all people, hurt worse than being burned alive.

It wasn’t fair; women were so much easier to buy gifts for. He knew what women liked and what they wanted, expensive jewelry, romantic dinners, sexy lingerie, beautiful clothes and accessories and sleek stylish guns. He couldn’t buy any of that kind of stuff for his co-workers, at least not without being thoroughly degraded.

But this year was different; he was going to make sure that his gift was appreciated.

Spy puffed on his cigarette as he mentally went down the list of names, what they received as gifts and how they reacted to them, the majority of his teammates were easy to read, they were not shy about complaining loudly if they were gifted something terrible. Even Heavy, who would wordlessly accept anything, would show his emotion all over his face.

The only exceptions were Pyro, whom would be giddy to receive an empty box if it was wrapped in colourful paper and the Engineer; whose reaction to presents was always the same; he would smile and thank them politely even if the gift was cheap or seemingly bought last minute, which either meant that he had an excellent facade, was extremely polite or even worse; Genuinely appreciated the gift no matter how little thought went into it.

Somehow he had lucked out and had gotten the least picky person this year, but he wasn’t about to take any chances, which is why the Spy was currently in Bee Cave Texas in the dead of night picking the lock to the front door of the Conagher estate while disguised as Dell Conagher.

He crept inside with practiced ease, noting that there were no shoes by the entryway so getting in and out should be easy, just as he thought that he came to a dead halt as he saw a figure in the darkness of the kitchen, he jumped back into the hallway, pressing himself up against the wall and reached in his coat pocket for his revolver.

‘If this had been any other guard dog, it would have already charged for me.’ He rationalized to himself, he was still wearing Conagher’s face, and luckily he had decided to opt-out of cologne tonight.  
He took a chance and moved into the kitchen, now with his gun drawn, he searched the wall with his left hand for the light switch, never turning his back to the animal.  
As the kitchen flooded with light the Spy came face-to-face with a Doberman Pinscher laying in a dog bed by the dining room door.

The dog watched him intensely as he moved around the kitchen for a while before eventually losing interest in the Spy as it realized that he was not coming over and laid its head down to continue sleeping.  
Spy was willing to believe that the dog was merely excited to see its master home, but he decided to keep his revolver out anyways as he explored the kitchen.

To call Conagher’s kitchen country styled would be an understatement; everything was pristine white and intricately carved with floral patterned curtains and tablecloth to match and an abundance of kitschy wooden objects littered the window sill and countertops, if Spy hadn’t known better he would have thought this was the home of a kindly southern grandmother and not a man who built machines of death and enjoyed it.

Spy began to open cupboards and drawers to dig through their contents but the man had every kitchen utensil or appliance he could ever need, not a one was rusted or even well worn.  
He let out a frustrated sound and headed towards the dining room only to stop dead as the refrigerator caught his eye.

Scattered amongst the crayon scribbled drawings pinned on the refrigerator were two lists in Engineer’s writing, Spy’s hopes were dashed quickly when he realized that one was a grocery list and the other was Pyro’s wish list.

He was craving a cigarette but knowing Conagher, his dog was probably trained to detect an intruder by his scent and not how he appears.

He simply moved on to the next room turning off the kitchen light as he went, the Doberman did not follow him.

The dining room was large but held nothing of interest and the living room was littered with Pyro’s belongings and cat toys as well as a large festive tree. The only other rooms on the first floor were the bathroom, the hall closet and the door leading out into the garage.

Spy stood in front of it, as he was naturally curious about what was inside, but for some reason a deep feeling of unease rushed over him and he quickly turned back down into the main hallway to the stairwell.  
The second floor was made up entirely of unused guest rooms, a large bathroom and linen closet; Pyro’s room was at the end of the hallway, which meant that the only door left belonged to the Engineer, hopefully, because otherwise he’d have to go into the garage.

Spy turned the knob slowly as to open the door as quietly as possible; he poked his head inside to check for traps before creeping in and shutting the door behind himself.  
Looking around, he could see a bookshelf packed with books of various genres and topics; he ran a gloved finger over their spines and read a few titles quietly to himself.  
“Extensive history of physics, Engineering the world, Medical Encyclopedia, Radiation & You, 101 uses for quick-grade lime, Oil mining for beginners and…Love Letters from a Lord: Part 5?”  
He scanned the bookshelf again and saw that half of the collection of books was romance novels.  
“Hm. Looks like a romantic dinner would be appreciated after all.”  
He could have laughed at the irony but chose not to.

The rest of the room was rather dull, there were school pennants and jackets hung up alongside photographs on the walls; there was a shelf home to model trains, airplanes and boats alongside a rather out-of-place collection of stuffed toys.

There was a desk beside the double sized bed but neither held anything of interest, he even peeked under the bed and mattress and came away disappointed and empty-handed.  
Spy stood up straight and sighed, he contemplated going down into the garage but the sound of cars pulling up to the house made his decision for him and he hastily opened a window and disappeared into the night.

 

Smissmas approached quickly and the party was as hectic and aggravating as usual and Miss Pauling was nowhere to be seen, also as usual.

Soldier had handed over a hastily wrapped box covered in newspaper to Spy before running off, Spy was wary of opening it even before it had started to ooze and drip blood from its seams and he ended up leaving it outside and rejoined the others to sit and wait out their mandatory bonding time. 

Engineer sat next to him, too close even.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice, Spy?”

Spy feigned innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Engineer leaned in close, and Spy could almost feel the anger radiating off of him.

“I got a phone call from the police in Bee Cave about a burglar setting off an alarm a week before Smissmas, A thief who stole nothing, didn’t alert my guard dog and just happened to look like me on the security footage.” Engineer took a swig of beer. “An’ don’t give me any bullshit about it being the Red Spy, I already took care of his side of the story.”

Spy took a gift out of his coat pocket and offered it to the Engineer silently. 

The Engineer’s face fell as the realization dawned on him. “You didn’t seriously break into my house for this did you?”

Spy at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed.

“Spy, my dog might need more training but if I had been at home I would have shot you dead.”

“I only let myself be seen because I wasn’t being serious.” Spy countered.

Engineer scoffed at the notion.

“I’ll go easy on ya’ this time, partner.” He illustrates his point by jabbing Spy in the chest with two fingers. “But if I catch you doing anything like this again, you’ll live to regret it.”

“Ah, but I will be alive, no?”

“I’m using the term ‘alive’ very, very generously.”

There was a long pause between them before Spy handed over his gift as a peace offering and Engineer took it begrudgingly, tore open the nice wrapping paper and stopped as he saw the adorably shaped chocolates.

“It’s…cute.” He admitted bashfully.

“I’m glad you like it. “ Spy bragged smugly. “I custom ordered them from Belgium, they cost a lot so you’d better enjoy them thoroughly.”

“Y’see, it’s when you get like this that everyone pretends that your gifts are awful. Nobody can stand it.”

Engineer laughed as Spy was genuinely caught off guard.

“But all is forgiven now correct?”

He recovered fast.

“Now hold on just a damn minute, this doesn’t make what you did alright by me.” Engineer was quick to steer the conversation back. “I expect some sort of compensation for the amount of trouble you caused.”

“How about a romantic candlelit dinner in Italy with a handsome gentleman?” Spy said cheekily.

“A handsome gentleman? I don’t know anyone like that.” Engineer shot back.

“I suppose you’d rather stay at home with your little books then?”

The Engineer sputtered and went red, whether from embarrassment or anger Spy wasn’t sure, but somehow he managed to avoid consequences, even if it meant having to take another man out on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't participate in the secret santa this year but I tried to at least write something for the holidays.


	2. New plans for a New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s in the garage? WHAT’S IN THE GARAGE?!

After the incident over Christmas, the Engineer had made sure that his locks got replaced immediately and got the keys from them himself when he was given time off to travel south to his home town.

The Engineer had arrived at his home in Texas on the night of New Year’s Eve, where he was greeted by an excited Doberman Pinscher who nearly toppled him over when he got on a knee and called her over.  
He laughed as he carefully maneuvered her off of him and scratched behind her ears. “I should be scolding you for bein’ such a bad guard dog, Daisy.” He smiled wryly. “But that’s probably my fault for spoilin’ you so much.”

She let out a small bark as he pat her on her side and stood up to check the calendar in the kitchen to see if his house sitter stopped by to feed her this afternoon.

“I’d take you to New Mexico with me girl, but the place seems to always get wrecked by space rocks and aliens.” He walked back out into the hallway and put his hands on his hips as he spoke down to her. “Pyro can take care of himself, but you’d probably walk right up to them with your tail waggin’ and get yourself abducted, you big dummy.”

Daisy tailed him as he walked down the hallway and stopped in front of the door leading to the garage, he raised a hand to his chin in thought.  
In the security footage he saw Spy standing right here, but yet Spy had turned away almost as soon as he came face-to-face with the door.  
It had been odd to say the least, but he supposed that Spy had been doing his job long enough to know when something was better left alone, especially when he was after something as ridiculous as he was.

His face reddened when he remembered the reason why Spy had broken in here in the first place and regretted not wringing his scrawny neck.  
They’d go out to dinner first, and then he’d strangle the bastard.

The door was unlocked, but there was a hidden panel to the side of the door that turned off the second extra alarm, which was also connected to a sentry gun just beyond the door.  
When he opened the door a wave of cool air hit the two of them causing Daisy to flee back into the kitchen to her warm doggie bed.

The Engineer stepped into the garage and closed the door behind him, and as he descended down the steps an unpainted sentry gun silently tracked him before continuing it’s back and forth pattern.  
He hit the light switch and looked around the spacious garage.

His gaze moved across the room from the staircase, to the sentry gun, over to his drafting table, the shelves full of junk that was spilling off onto the floor and corner of the garage that he hadn’t quite gotten around to cleaning up, over to a robotic upper torso strung up on the wall and ceiling with wires and then over to his spare pick-up and grandma’s old Mercedes-Benz.  
Everything seemed to be in its place, albeit covered in a thick layer of dust.

Engineer walked up to the unfinished robot and cringed as he wiped the dust off of it, it had been a passion project he had started in his twenties and had kept a secret from everyone and looking at it now, he’s glad that he did.

He was terrified of anyone finding out about this now more than ever, not because he was ashamed of what he was building, but for the fact that if Spy had seen this or saw this now, he’d make the wrong assumptions.  
When he was a young man he had lived in Japan for half a year to study a new field of robotics and met a close friend who was very interested in science fiction and introduced Dell to an animated film about human-like androids unlike anything he’d ever seen or read about it America.

In America, the thought that a robot could think of feel was an absurd concept and he was immediately hooked into the concept.

If Spy had seen it, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to live it down or be able to defend himself from being slandered for it.  
He didn’t build it because he was lonely, or because he wanted a companion, and he definitely did not want to build it because he was a pervert.

He wanted to build it because his younger self wanted to be able to be able to make something truly alive but now that he was older all the flaws shined through horribly.

Looking at the incomplete robot now, the synthetic skin it had on was far too thick and glossy and quite frankly, made the machine look far less charming than he had hoped and exceedingly more horrifying than he had speculated.

He could clearly see parts of the face bulging out and making the face look like it was in the middle of having a stroke instead of the sleeping visage it probably had on his design plans.  
He had no idea how long it had been since he’d been down here working on it; but honestly, he’d almost forgotten about it ever since he had joined Builder’s League and moved away from his family home to live out in New Mexico.

He had no reluctance about taking the damn thing apart and throwing it all away, because at his skill level now, it was an embarrassment to look at even if he wasn’t worried about mask wearing snakes or Miss Pauling using it as some sort of blackmail material, if he was going to be regarded as a creep he was going to at least build the damn best looking android of this century.

Not now, mind you. He’d start in the morning. It had been a long, stressful trip and he was looking forward to nothing but being able to climb into bed, which he did.

But so did Daisy, it ended up being a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon Engineer as being able to speak Japanese.
> 
> The animated film he's talking about is the 1960's classic 'Cyborg 009'
> 
> This story takes place before Grey Mann sends his robots to attack, so maybe in the future they can give Engineer the last bit of inspiration he needs to make his own robots? :^)


End file.
